This post is truly my thoughts during this time, probably lots of typos will be involved but I just feel the need to write. Sorry but this will be a ramble with tears and memories.
If you want to know how my mom passed away and more details of that first year then feel free to read my post from last year.
This year I was thinking I wanted to do something fun to celebrate and remember my mom but here I sit with no ideas and a broken heart. I cry because I miss her, I wish she would have met my husband and my two kids, because I wonder what she would do in this or that situation.
I even got mad that I was crying because I did not want to cry and I even told my husband, "ugg this is so stupid." I am so glad I have a great husband.
Before I used to get angry or even jealous of people older then me who still have their mama but now I just try to remind them to spend time and love on their moms. I now get angry if I see a boy or girl younger then me who has lost one of their parents. It is not fair!! I know life is not fair I trust me I understand that this world is broken and is craving for Jesus. So I know bad things happen.
I am saddened and angry that even after 10 years there is no solid cure for Leukemia. I do know some people who are in remission or fighting and I hope they know I am their biggest cheerleaders and prayer warrior. I know fighting cancer has gotten better as well as better detection but I am still angry that there is no cure.
My sister was inspiring this year and did the Light the Night walk for Leukemia and I am planning on doing it next year. She also got a cute little butterfly with a orange ribbon (leukemia color) in it. She is trying to convince me to get one but I really do not want to do that. I think my brother is also getting a tattoo to remember my mommy.
The other thing I was thinking of doing was getting a large health blizzard because that was my mom's ice cream of choice. A bit lame and not much for celebrating but I seriously sit here and my mind is blank on her other favorite things??? HELP... MEMORIES WHERE ARE YOU?
I was even searching for ideas on how to celebrate 10 year anniversary of death and did not come up with much... maybe I should have searched how to celebrate 46 years of life and 10 years with Jesus!? So honestly I just Googled that and my search results were about passover and Jesus. Interesting!
So I have even spammed both my brother and sister via text this evening and I am sure they both work in the morning so I have not heard a response from them. I hope they are not annoyed my me.
If you have any ideas I would love to hear them. I think I just let this day sneak up on me and then I get mad I did not plan something fun and then my mind wanders and I allow sadness to sink in. Suck a stupid cycle...
Jesus is my comfort and I know he is going to bless me with good sleep which I am going to go try to do now. He truly helped me through the last ten years!
Hug your loved ones more and kiss them daily. Enough typing time to get in the WORD and find Peace in HIM.
GOOD NIGHT! Please pray for me through out the day (Tuesday the 30th). THANKS