Grief, especially in the early days, can be all-consuming. It's likely that at this point, you might not be fully aware of the decisions you need to make or what the best choices are when it comes to sorting the details of funerals or saying goodbye. And there can be a lot of temptation to make things more complicated or elaborate than you need to.
And for many people, a smaller personal goodbye can be just as impactful and make things easier to manage. It doesn't need to be what looks right for others or what they might expect, but what you want and need.
This post is going to look at some things you can focus on when organizing a simple personal goodbye to a loved one.
What Farewell Feels Right
You can decide between a traditional funeral service or you can do something more flexible, like a memorial service or celebration of life. The difference isn't just the wording, it's the flow of the whole day. Each one is distinctly different.
A traditional funeral service follows a set structure, often held in a funeral home or a place of worship, and will be more formal. A memorial or celebration of life will be more open. It can happen days or weeks later in a different location, with more focus on the personal aspect of a person's life, and it's carried out with much less formality.
What Location works Best
Location impacts everything. You don't need to have it in a place of worship or a funeral home if you don't want to. You can move your service outdoors if you're allowed to in your state.
But if you're foregoing a traditional option, you need to consider things like access, parking restrictions, weather, etc. It might feel right for you, but the logistics can make things harder than they need to, especially if you need specific permission and approval.
Who You Want to Attend
A guest list for a goodbye to a loved one can spiral. But you don't need to ignite everyone. You can choose to get numbers and have it family only, or you can open it up to whoever wants to attend.
Alternatively, you can ask about whether a streaming link can be provided, so physical numbers on the day can be kept low, and people can watch online if they want to.
What will happen
This all depends on when and why you're holding his personal goodbye.
It might be that you want a few people to make speeches, or you just have one person conducting the service alone. You might need to consider music, or if you want certain people to carry the coffin.
If you host a more personal service after choosing a cremation, and you want to merge it with scattering ashes, you might find it preferable to work with a company specializing in this type of ceremony to ensure everything is taken care of and nothing is left to chance.
What Personal Touches to Include
Without any personal details, the day can feel generic, so you need to decide ahead of time what personal details you're going to include.
It might be that you only want pictures or music to reflect who they are, picking a colour to decorate with, or ask people to wear, can work for you, so it's more subtle, but you pull everything together with one theme.
It doesn't have to be elaborate, it can be discreet if you so wish, but choose some things that will tie you and your loved one together for the goodbye and integrate them.
What Happens Next
Once the service ends, some people won't always tend to drift away from other attendees. This might make you want to do something else afterward. It's not expected, nor do you need to feel pressured into it. But you can consider having somewhere for people to gather to talk, share memories, and spend time together outside of the service or goodbye, whatever you choose to do on the day.
It doesn't need to be formal, and you don't need to host with food or drinks if you don't want to. There's no right or wrong choice here, only what feels right for you, but it can be nice to connect more with people who are grieving your loved one.
Holding a simple personal goodbye for a loved one doesn't need to be a big show. You can tailor all of the details so that the day itself means more for you and can bring you comfort when you need it.
Comments